Last night, in recognition of the Zichron Matel organization which is dedicated in assisting newlywed Chassanim, a gala event took place with the participation of close to 1,000 people.
The organization was founded in memory of the mother of Shadchan R’ Shlomo Lewenstein.
The guest speaker and and chairman of the evening was world-renowned philanthropist and Baal Chessed Reb Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz.
The theme of his keynote speech was that Moshe Rabbenu was chosen to take the Yidden out of Mitzrayim because the Passuk states how he saw and felt their suffering. So to, noted Reb Shlomo Yehuda, it is incumbent on the Bochurim to realize that there are so many single girls in Klal Yisrael and the Shidduchim numbers are not in favor of the girls.
He quoted from Reb Elya Ber Wachtfogel that it is incumbent for the Bochurim themselves to encourage their fellow Bochurim to return from Eretz Yisrael and start Shidduchim before they are in their mid 20’s.
Reb Shlomo Yehuda concluded his speech with a large donation to Zichron Matel, and implored the Bochurim and Yungerleit as well to do their utmost to donate to this wonderful organization.
The problem in my opinion is, there aren’t enough Shadchanim, and there aren’t enough people that understand how to negotiate a Shiduch. My self an older single and tried to get Shadchanim to help me to no avail.
The reason they can’t help the girls is because there aren’t enough boys. That is the only issue. If they get married earlier there will be enough boys. All the shadchonim in the world and all the money can’t do anything to remedy this one unfortunately believe it or not unless they incentivize boys to begin earlier.
Shadchanim don’t even pick up phones. Then they claim they’re running around or busy when you catch them at a chassuna. They’re a big part of the problem.
Try being married to the shadchan and not getting a response when you call. Do you believe they should never share in any simchos? Just answer your call? Stop being so selfish.
The best shadchan are the Bochurim learning together with you in Yeshiva. They have cousins, friends and neighbors and there’s no one better than someone who knows you personally. When you go to shul to daven 3x a day on Shabbos and Yom Tov, greet your fellow Mispallelim and let them know you’re looking for a Shidduch. The best shidduchim were made this way. אל תבטחו בנדיבים בבן אדם
Learn to trust in Hashem as the true shadchan.
All the Shadchanim in the world won’t help the age gap. There are 3,000 more girls in Shidduchim in Lakewood. If Shadcahnim could create Bochurim you would have a point. R’ Elya Ber has been pleading for years to make changes to the current system so Bochurim start younger.
Where does the 3,000 number come from?
What age to what age do they span?
And what’s the number of men v. the 3,000 females ?
I’m guessing that all 3,000 females are prepared to remain single for life rather then to consider a working guy like myself.
Is that correct?
Eli,
Everyone who wants a good lawyer or doctor understand that they will have to pay top dollar. Some lawyers charge 1,500 an hour. But they are will worth the cost.
I am not saying that you should pay the shadchan 1,500 an hour. But why not pay them 100 an hour, or, perhaps, 500 dollars for every girl that they set you up on a date with (assuming 5 hours of work per set-up, at the very least)?
If you pay for a service, you will get service. If you don’t, you won’t. And if you don’t, you clearly don’t care much about getting married.
I’d argue that shadchanim are like brokers…or very much are brokers… as such should get paid like brokers which is at closing. We all know (and I know too well as I’m in that line of work) that every one who is involved in a real estate deal is only making money if and when it closes and he’s only receiving the money after it closes….and that’s across the board. So too with a shadchan.. I belive should only be entitled to getting paid after a shidduch
was made. So I don’t agree with your idea of making payments to a shadchan so that he’ll give you some of his time..
Oh. So then the daughters of the rich will have another advantage. Perfect.
In my opinion we need to start a worldwide Shadchan fund that will hire shadchanim as employees, pay a base salary of $150,000 and increases to 200k if you do 10 shiduchim and goes down to 100k after first year if you didnt do at least 10. After the 2 year you are fired. Basically a salary plus commission with conditions. Yes we will need massive funds for this but we have no choice. Every engagement is a world, and he must do everything we can.
Once again all the absurd comments about not enough shadchanim, not paying enough, not enough good boys….. if there are more girls than boys how will any of this matter? And on the flip side if there was even numbers of both everyone would have to negotiate equally. That is the only issue and solving that solves everything.
You need to look at the quality not the quantity. For better or worse, 900 out of 1000 girls entering the Parsha want a serious learning boy; 500 out of 1000 boys ARE actually serious learners. At MOST. There’s the problem.
I was a shadchan. When I finally quit, I had 15 or 16 serious learners on my list and over 110 girls seeking serious learners.
The End.
The Rechnitz is a sweet guy, To have bachurim get married younger can’t hurt but will not solve the problem of “not enough”.
In the Yeshivische community there’s not enough boys.
In the Chasidische community which is much larger there’s not enough girls.
The Yeshivische problem: All boys must learn “Taarih” (Torah) day and night; however many boys are unsuccessful, they don’t have the patience or have slight learning disabilities, they assimilate, turn to drugs and alcohol 10 times more than yeshivische girls assimilate.
The Chasidische Problem: Tzinuis is very important and brings success to families; However it had gone way beyond and had become abuse of Chasidische woman. The girls know that they will never be able to drive, they will one day have to schlepp heavy packages and walk on the side of the road or call car service 5 times a day , they know that before their wedding their beautiful hair will be cut off and they will become bald, they are banned from enjoying themselves in many ways like going to see a movie with friends etc. so hundreds and hundreds of girls run away and assimilate.
Those in the communities responsible will have to answer to Hashem after 120.
The issue will be resolved if there is an edict by all rabonim agaist any girl getting married dor the next two years under 20.
A boy that marrys a girl under 20 will not get an aliya, the girls can not use the mikva.
This will force boys.to clear out the older girls. Then move.the.age of both boys and girls to 19 and then 18 and we will be back on track.
Yea
Good luck with that.
Forcing and regulating people never worked historicaly and only backfired.
Sounds like North Korea
Why should girls have to wait longer to find a shidduch. That’s senseless. The guys need to grow up and stop waiting for 23-24 to start looking. I redt a shidduch to a 40+ year old, the girl in the same age bracket. His response, I have a mitzvah to father children, she may no longer be able. Guys first wait a few years before looking. Then only want young fresh market girls in child bearing age. At some point guys need to realize they don’t have all the answers. They can’t push off dating and expect to have 15 children. The mishna says 118 is prime age for a guy to marry. Start there then look for additional solutions.
Yea
Good luck with that.
Forcing and regulating people never worked historicaly and only backfired.
Here are the real problems and it has nothing to do with boys going to EY earlier.
1. Girls being brainwashed that they need to marry a long term learning boy.
2. Boys being picky and looking for looks and money
3. Wealthy families looking away from regular families
Correct on #1 and #3
Re: # 2. Plenty of married woman that don’t fit that description .
Realistic Guy
If this doesn’t work, they should allow men to marry more than one wife..
This is exactly what I’m saying, because we aren’t on top of the Matzav with enough caring and understanding Shadchanim that’s why we got to this situation. We need Rabanim and a new crew of Ehrilich Shadchanim to work together with the Community. And yes mabe have some girls marry chasidish boys, maybe offer boys incentives to marry older than him etc.
The girls are usually the ones to say no after the 1st date. That’s every shadchans experience. Including Meir Levys one story in his most recent video interview.
In my days in BMG Lakewood (mid 90’s) it was a big deal if a guy in my room in the Irvington even got an intitial yes from the girl’s side.
You guys are gonna start getting even more rejections now after dates then till now , now that you’re letting the girls know that they will have even more options in guys.
You’re gonna shlep in to Brooklyn and pay big bucks in tolls gas and city congestion pricing , only to get the response the next evening from the shadchan:
“She had a very nice time with you last night but she just doesn’t feel that it’s shahhyahhch”
Guys , I’m warning you because I care about you.
(And btw, I am very happily married)
BMG Guy