Below is an excerpt from Emma Gingerich's book; Runaway Amish Girl: The Great Escape.
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If only people could see where I came from, they would understand how petrified I was to leave the , the only life I ever knew, and transition into “English” life. The culture shock was bigger than I had imagined. There are many different groups of Amish; my family is from the “,” which is a group of the least modern and uneducated Amish people on the planet. They are sometimes referred to as the knuddle-rollas (dirtrollers). They got the nickname because they take a bath only on Saturday nights, and sometimes not even that often.
Even though Amish have a problem with hygiene, their clothing style is very meticulous and has to be followed to the point. I always thought women were required to cover up way more than necessary, but since I liked to push against the rules, it probably seemed much worse to me.
Women are not allowed to cut their hair, but are required to wear it under a bonnet that covers the ears. They have to fix their hair into a bun and wear a black or white Emma Gingerich 13 cap (depending on the age) completely covering every strand. The white cap is worn after a girl turns fifteen; before that age they wear a black cap during the week at home. For weddings and funerals, every girl and woman wears a white cap. For regular church services, only the married women wear a white cap and the girls wear a black one. It gets a little confusing to understand all the different ways to wear a cap, but it is a major essential for Amish women, who are required to wear a cap at all times, except while sleeping.
Emma, leading the group, pictured as a young girl. Photo: Supplied Source: Supplied
There is only one style of wearing hair among Amish women, and that bears very little improvement from generations ago. Their hair is parted exactly in the middle and combed smoothly down toward the back, where a dark-colored cloth band is started and carried around on each side, then their hair is gathered into a bun right in the middle of the head in the back with the band interwoven in the hair and tied. Bobby pins are used to hold the hair up. Some women get a bald spot where those bobby pins have been stuck in place for years.
The one thing that annoyed me the most about clothing was the dresses. They are long, dark-colored, and have to be long enough to reach down to the ankles with no exceptions. To make things worse, no buttons are allowed on the dresses; only straight pins can be used to keep it in proper place. However, girls under age nine can use buttons. Pins can hurt if not used properly. I pricked myself a million times! Men are required to wear dark-colored pants with suspenders and a dark-colored shirt, and they are allowed to use hooks and eyes in place of buttons and zippers for the pants and jackets. Their shirts have buttons, though.
Men really have it nice: no sweaty hands trying to put pins in place, no long hair to wash and fix up, no baby to carry in the womb every year. I always thought it would be just as fair if the men had to use straight pins, too, instead of buttons.
The men cut their hair in a Dutch-boy style, and there are a few rules when it comes to men’s haircuts: they cannot have it so short that their ears show, and their bangs cannot be too short either. They only wear a brimmed hat while outside working, otherwise they do not need to keep their head covered like women do. If they are married, men wear a full beard with no mustache.
Even though the Amish uniform is old-fashioned, impractical, and uncomfortable, they would never consider becoming more modern because they believe it is disrespectful to their ancestors.
Emma after she'd left her Amish community, pictured in the clothes she used to have to wear. Photo: Supplied Source: Supplied
I remember outsiders and other modern Amish groups making fun of us, making me feel insecure; I reacted by pretending I was someone else and by becoming rebellious. The strict rules left me no room to breathe, which made me lash out in ways I otherwise would not have. I often thought I had a special privilege to break the rules, which happened most often when I was around Eli and his friends. My attitude became “I can do this or I can do that and the law won’t touch me because I am Amish.” This imagined privilege is why I felt so confident taking the truck for a ride. It was my way of being rebellious without caring about the consequences, as well as a way of escaping who I really was. At the time, I did not feel any remorse or guilt for my actions. I thought it was a cool thing to do, and so did my sisters, once the fear of getting caught passed.
It disturbed me that the Amish would let their teenagers have a date in the girl’s bedroom, but it was the only way they allowed dating. It had been a tradition for years. There was really nothing else a dating couple could do because they were not allowed to be seen together during the day.
After I started dating, I realized how embarrassing it was when English people wanted to know how the Amish date. No one could understand why parents would let guys go upstairs to their daughter’s room to hang out. The main concern people had was about teenagers being intimate, but that was not supposed to happen, and if it did, the couple had to confess it in church privately with the elders.
Our neighbor lady, Nina, gave me her opinion one day while cleaning her house. While I sat at her kitchen table eating a piece of cake, she started asking questions about how many boys I had dated and who they were.
After I told her of several guys, she asked, “Did any of them take you somewhere fun and romantic?”
"The older I got the more I realised I had been brainwashed by the whole Amish community and by the ever so “Holy” church."
That puzzled me. I did not know what “romantic” meant, but I had a hunch it had something to do with going out to eat or anything that did not include a bedroom. Nina did not know how Amish dated, and now I had to try to explain it. It was a dreadful conversation, especially since my English sucked.
Nina looked at me with astonishment and said, “That is absolutely wrong and disgusting! How can Amish be strict in so many ways except for the way they date?”
“I don’t know, Nina,” I answered sheepishly. “It won’t do me any good to question the situation, because my parents won’t explain it anyway.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“We are supposed to be submissive and do as told without questioning anything.”
I was relieved when I left her house that day. I did not understand why she thought it was so wrong at the time, but the look on her face made me realise that Amish dating customs really were immoral. In a way, I wished I had not told her about it. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do to change the rules myself. I could speak out if I wanted change, but, sadly, I knew that talking to elders about any disagreements would be like talking to Minnie the horse.
The older I got the more I realised I had been brainwashed by the whole Amish community and by the ever so “Holy” church. I do not place blame on my parents because they did what they were expected to do. Several months after I had left home, I could still visualise all those rules. One Sunday afternoon I sat outside under a tree and enjoyed the warm breeze blowing through my unfettered hair. I was thrilled I could now wear shorts and a tank top. I could now flush the toilet and not have to wash out the outhouse every six months with a garden hose. I could now drive my own vehicle without fear of punishment; it took me a while to get past that particular fear. I could go to college and get any degree I wanted. I was free to date whomever I wanted instead of being forced to date guys selected for me. I now had the freedom most people take for granted.
Even though I was free to date whomever, I realised I was in for a challenge. I did not go on any dates for the first few years because I was extremely shy and I felt like an alien to all guys around me. I was looking forward to going out on fancy restaurant dates or even going to the beach for a day, but it took me longer than I had expected to get adjusted to my new atmosphere.
